Last night I was in bed, waiting to drift to sleep. I got to thinking. I kinda wish I was like a “normal” person..lol. Well no one is exactly normal…but I wish I was like a person who structured their life practically. Goto college, pick a career direction and then graduate. Start the career and stay in it. Save, get a house etc..find a partner get married etc… work hard and plan for retirement.
I had a few opportunities that I blew away. I missed the few boats that came my way. I wasted many years inside my own head. I had and have issues. I must have had every thought in the spectrum of human thoughts. From bad to good. Dunno.
Today, I feel as if its a deep infection that has finally came out of me. I am not anxious about my wasted time, I look back and just think “It is what it is”.
I think if I could do it all over again, I would be minus the years of issues in my mind (of course). Minus the paranoia etc.. I would have seized an opportunity or two. Ah well. You can’t change the past. Maybe another ship will come in for me in the future. I feel grateful that I have a great and solid core family around me. I have a place to stay, and a car.
As far as aging, I am losing my hair, chubby…but I have my eyesight. I am 45, and have no need for eye glasses. I am grateful for that. I try and appreciate the small things. That makes it easier for me to drift to sleep at night. 🙂